🔗 Share this article

I have been close companions with a woman, who has faced and conquered several challenges, and I respect her for that. But, she's often taken by surprise in relationships. Her partner ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. A lot of close acquaintances vanished during that time, because they seemed focused solely on her husband. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in greater energy in our friendship, probably understood more acutely what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, many close to her vanished leaving her knowing the cause. Her last employer became hostile, even though she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, both of us left the workforce and are seeing frequent meetups, however, I feel my position between us is as the audience. I start topics of conversation but she shifts the talk toward her own topics. In terms of politics, she holds unyielding views. I try to recommend verifying facts or other angles.

She's been organizing a holiday abroad I have traveled to many times even called home for some time. I tried to offer insights, but this was not welcomed. She purely only wanted validation of her plans. I've just ended 30 days there she hopes to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling in this role who cuts and runs abruptly, but I don't think she can grasp the effect of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Right now, my state is distancing myself. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

One option is to walk away, however, that approach is seldom a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk aiming for a solution takes courage and willingness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one requires explaining the usual pattern when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible like an unbiased account. Next is to express how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument here. Emotions belong to you, after all. Finally is to ask ways you together going to change the dynamics in your relationship."

Consider she too holds perspectives, meaning you must to remain ready to acknowledge it. One effective method is telling her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to not say anything for half an hour."

This can be successful for promoting mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

Your friend could ignore all you say, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative of their life they cannot let go of because their very survival relies on it and it's all they trust. This is difficult because there's no thoroughfare with these people, just dead ends. Yet she could initially present defensively and then think about what you've said. If you don't achieve a fix, it will give you peace knowing you were honest with her.