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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of living actively: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?